I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
