How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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