but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
