Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
