i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
