Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize