Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
