i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
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I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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