God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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