ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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