Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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