what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
