Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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