so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
