Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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