so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
