she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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