his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
