he wants to bone in the snuggie
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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