Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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