I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Randomize
