I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
