3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
