I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
