the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
