somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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