We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
