yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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