I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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