You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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