Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
you inspire me to be a worse person
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
