3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
