see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
