I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
