You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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