I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
