I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
