I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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