ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
