i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
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