I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
