I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
