He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
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The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
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You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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