i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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