So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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