happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
