she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize