omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Mom said you looked used
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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