True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
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MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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