i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
