is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
