youre lurking in front of me
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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