it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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