Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
