Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
