it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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