I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
