Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
