We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
