dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I will pee on everything he values.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
