This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
