Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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