apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
