im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
