my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
