So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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