My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
