Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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