I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
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I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
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Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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