I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I could make wine with my vomit
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
