I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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