Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
