What did we do last night that was yellow?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
