Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
