All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I believe in your delicious
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
