I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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