Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
