Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
