he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I need water and some morals
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
