her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
