Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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