I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
